business ideas from the Heartbreak Hotel

With every death, comes new life. When God (or Godess, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or what have you) closes a door, he opens a window. Yadda, yadda, cliche, yadda. The story of the women who reside in the Heartbreak Hotel is a long one, much like this list of crazy business ideas that have risen from the smouldering ashes of two broken hearts. Copyright 2012 The Heartbreak Hotel.


The Heartbreak Hotel, itself.

  1. Acquire large(r) house in Burlington
  2. Incorporate dormitory, self-help library, yoga studio, art studio, etc. Keep counselors on hand.
  3. Advertise as a temporary home for brokenhearted people who have recently had to move out of their significant other’s apartments.
  4. Profit.

PANTS PANTS REVOLUTION! Wondering why you’re freezing up here in Vermont? Your legs are missing out. While the upper half of your body is cloaked in layer upon layer of wool sweaters and down coats, your legs are adorned in, AT MOST, a layer of long underwear and some lame jeans. PANTS PANTS revolution seeks to change all that. Not only should you wear more pants, but you should wear more interesting pants. Down pants. Hand-knit sweater pants with reindeer designs. Join the revolution (as soon as we get around to starting it)!

Progressive Pioneer has the right idea: sweater pants.

Second-hand pizza: Some may call it a health hazard; we call it a creative business venture.

  1. Lurk outside of Dominos (conveniently down the street from the Heartbreak Hotel) around 2:00 am.
  2. Take pizza from dumpster.
  3. Walk to campus (also near Heartbreak Hotel).
  4. Sell pizza to drunk college students.
  5. Profit.

 The coffee table book.

  1. Gather images of objects that unintentionally look like this:

    It's pocket knife packaging, you pervert.

    It’s pocket knife packaging, you pervert.

  2. Convince a publisher that a book full of these images will somehow make money.
  3. Of course, profit.

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